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06 January 2011 @ 12:28 am
You know what, mum?  
I didn't fail my HSC, OK? You could've hired the best maths tutor in the world, and I still would've failed maths; you know why? I hated it and I hated that you thought it was important. I utterly despised maths. Loathed the bloody subject. Whether you like it or not, you wasted your money and it's not my fault because I warned you, but you didn't listen - you never listen.

I'm not going to feel guilty over how I disappointed you, not when you're telling me that it's OK I didn't want to become a doctor and then going behind my back and bitching to my sisters about how I didn't study enough and how I gamed too much. You don't even have the courage to say it to my face. All you can ask is, am I sure I'll make it into uni? After being asked that question 3 times, I'm no longer going to answer you. I'm going to go to uni, and never speak to you about it again.

You told us that in Asian culture, 10 daughters weren't worth 1 son. Our uncle laughed at you for giving birth to 3 girls, as opposed to his 2 boys. You wanted to show him that we were better. And you know what? I'm going to do that my own way, not by being a doctor that earns thousands of dollars a year, but by doing what I love and being good at it.

I'm sorry I didn't want to be a fucking doctor. I'm sorry I couldn't give two shits about maths. I'm sorry you didn't get to prove to my prick of an uncle that you were able to raise 3 doctors/lawyers/scientists. I'm sorry that you don't realise that I did my bloody best and that I'm still not good enough for you. Most of all, I'm sorry I don't have the courage to show you this post.

P.S. I improved on my maths result by 20%, but it still wasn't enough. If it wasn't for that low maths score, I would have scored a much higher ATAR, a respectable ATAR. But I don't regret it, because I know I did my best. If my mum can't accept that, then there's no convincing her that I'll make something of my life.
Current Mood: angryangry
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✖ TASH, the TERRIBLY TERRIFIC !!: smile ✗ not many prosecutors dolythdan on January 5th, 2011 08:51 pm (UTC)
*hugs* I'm so sorry you have to deal with that. I hate the damn culture gap sometimes. Honestly, I think satisfaction with life should trump overplanning for the future, but I've always been one of those 'things will work themselves out' people. Ha.
I of the Unmanaged Anger: Bipolar?timedrift on January 6th, 2011 11:46 am (UTC)
The culture gap is the thing that makes me fight with my parents the most. They're always going on about how I'm Vietnamese, not Australian. It infuriates me on so many levels.

Hopefully, everything settles down once I get into uni. If it doesn't, there's always the option of moving to Melbourne.
✖ TASH, the TERRIBLY TERRIFIC !!: coffee; time for a breaklythdan on January 7th, 2011 01:23 am (UTC)
Hahaha, yeah, my Mum keeps going on about how she didn't get the good Muslim daughter she bargained for -- I was born in Australia, I grew up in Australia, of course I'm going to have a Western mindset, Mum! :|

I hope things do look up for you in a bit. But if not ... yeah, removing yourself from the situation might be for the best. :(
✿ the randomness machine!!: Good Ole Days~inferior on January 6th, 2011 01:01 am (UTC)
Fucking parents.

I know exactly how you feel. People that don't realise you're not doing this shit for them, you're doing it for yourself. You know, because it is your life.

;-; /glomp

Hope you make no one but yourself proud. (That sounded terrible. What I meant was, I hope you worry only about your own aspirations, not other people's aspirations for you. :D)
I of the Unmanaged Anger: Mulan ;; Couragetimedrift on January 6th, 2011 11:52 am (UTC)
My mum's forever going on about "Look, I just want you to have a good life. It doesn't matter what you do." but she never means it. I think I was a fool to have believed her. I thought she wouldn't be one of those Asian parents.

Haha, after seeing what I did in high school, I'm not repeating that in uni. I'm going to do my bloody best so I don't let myself down.